


we're all gossipy bitches sometimes

by aliferously



Series: Sanders Sides oneshots [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Deceit Mention, M/M, Pining, Remus mention, also swearing, lots of pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21587842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliferously/pseuds/aliferously
Summary: Roman and Logan sit down to gossip -- but not in the way you think.AKA Roman and Logan gush about their respective crushes, which is totally gossiping, right?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1555882
Comments: 17
Kudos: 157





	we're all gossipy bitches sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> this was a riot to write i love dialogue wow

“Did you  _ see _ Patton today? What he was wearing?” Roman said, swirling a bright rainbow sparkle mug. 

“Mmhmm,” Logan said. He nodded for good measure. “The soft grey sweater? With a little mouse on it?” 

“And it said  _ mice to meet you,  _ like,” Roman paused, making a guttural noise. “Ugh! Are you kidding me? I can’t  _ deal _ with that!” 

“The pun was rather…” Logan pursed his lips. “...much. However, I agree with your sentiment. The sleeves were so long he used them as hand warmers.” 

“I am GOING to die. Like, this isn’t a drill, dig a hole of six feet,” Roman said. He leaned forward, thick fluffy blanket wrapped around his shoulders. “He should be illegal. He’s too cute. Tomorrow he’ll come down in that green knit sweater and I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing his stupid face.” 

“I thought the yellow dress would do you in. I stand corrected,” Logan said. 

“Oh, yes, it absolutely would,” Roman said. He pointed at Logan with his obnoxious glitter mug. “But it’s too cold for that. 

“Oh, what about the dark red one, and then that one scarf he has, and leggings?” Logan mused. 

“Oh shit,” Roman said. He sighed, melting against the couch cushions. “God, you’re right.” 

“Also, based on past experience, you won’t do anything of the sort,” Logan said, sipping from his own travel mug. 

Roman gasped. “Ouch! You didn’t have to come for me like that!” 

“I speak only the truth,” Logan said, shrugging. He lifted the mug to cover the slight hint of a smile. 

“Oh, but you’ll love this,” Roman said. He put the mug on the coffee table. With his newly freed hands, Roman gestured to follow his words. “I caught Virgil staring at your space blanket.” 

“Understandable. Anyone would. It’s very soft and is nice to look at,” Logan said. 

“Shut  _ up _ , specs,” Roman said. “C’mon. C’mon. Imagine him all wrapped up in that blanket. Like are you  _ kidding  _ me? Imagine it.” 

Logan rolled his eyes, ignoring the heat travelling to his cheeks. Maybe he was too warm and should shed a layer. “Today he told me his room needed redecorating and asked me to help.” 

“Yo,  _ get it _ my good nerdy friend!” Roman said, kicking Logan. “What did you say?” 

Logan avoided Roman’s gaze, electing to stare out the window where snow fell softly, as per Roman’s request. 

“Teach,” Roman said. He leveled Logan with a  _ look _ . “Don’t leave me hanging.” 

“I said, I am not design oriented and thus my opinion should not be turned to, perhaps try Patton or Roman, they would enjoy this activity more,” Logan muttered, turning bright red at Roman’s incredulous stare. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? Dude!” Roman all but yelled. Logan shh’d him frantically, eyes wide. Roman lowered his voice, but only slight. “That was your opportunity! Your time to shine! You could regale him with like, creepy spider facts! What even!” 

“I panicked!’ Logan whispered loudly. “I can’t handle him when he does that weird thing with his face!” 

“You mean  _ smiling? _ ” Roman said, gesturing wildly. “Logan!” 

“Do  _ not  _ yell at me when you were just saying you couldn’t handle it when Patton was wearing a certain piece of  _ fabric _ ,” Logan shot back. 

“Don’t at me when you fall into a helpless puddle whenever Virgil wears a beanie,” Roman countered. 

“He looks -- he looks--”

“Really damn cute, I know! I get it, but you still fall apart so don’t pretend I’m the only useless one here!” 

“I just told you I rejected one of his --  _ invites _ \-- and you think I’m  _ put together? _ Bitch,  _ please. _ ” 

They stared at each other, almost breathless, almost huffing. Then they cracked, lips twitching up into twin smiles as laughter bubbled. 

“Ahhh,” Roman said, falling further into a reclined position. “Patton promised to make me a pink cake tomorrow.” 

“Don’t drink in that position,” Logan said. He shifted. “Pink cake? As in, the cake, or the frosting?” 

“White frosting, pink cake,” Roman said. 

“Sounds insufferably adorable,” Logan said. He picked at his travel mug, flipping the top open and closed, open and closed. 

“He really  _ is _ adorable,” Roman said, sighing happily. “If I ask him to make the cute little roses, do you think he’ll say yes? Because then I can watch his concentrated face, his nose scrunches up, and sometimes his tongue sticks out between his teeth, and you can see his dimples so easily.” 

“I would put money on it,” Logan said. He frowned. “I don’t think Virgil enjoys my presence as much anymore. He looked so upset when I spoke.” 

“Because you said  _ no _ , you stupid bitch,” Roman said. 

Logan rolled his eyes. “You think using harsh words will wake me up to something. It won’t work, because I don’t need waking up to anything.” 

“You need to wake up and see how much Virgil loooooves you,” Roman said, squishing his own cheeks to make a face at Logan. 

“You’re the insufferable one,” Logan said. “He does not.” 

“Does too!” Roman protested. “I have proof!” 

“Oh, do tell,” Logan said, with the air of someone who’d won three steps before. 

“Okay,” Roman said. He sat up; time to get  _ serious _ . “Okay. So you know how Virgil is emotionally stunted?” 

“Rude, but continue.” 

“So he doesn’t know how to express love the same way Patton and I do -- Patton by telling you he loves you and me telling me how irritating you are, naturally -- and I think it’s because being in the other’s messed with him,” Roman said. 

Logan furrowed his eyebrows. “I asked for proof, not for you to psychoanalyse him.” 

“Okay, okay, fine,” Roman said. “He loves hanging out with you because he always has that little smile whenever you’re around, he literally frosted a cookie with blue and black plaid, caught me looking, and stuffed the whole thing in his face,” Roman said, ticking off with his fingers. “He always seems to know when you’re in the room, and hangs out with you all the time just sitting on the couch.” 

“That is very enjoyable,” Logan murmured. His fingers were warm around the travel mug. 

“Dude, I vote you go for it,” Roman said. 

“You know why I don’t,” Logan said. 

“Yeah,” Roman said. He knew. They made a pact about it, actually. No unnecessary pushing. Even if Roman thought it was  _ very necessary _ . 

“Also, please tell me you heard Patton rambling about the Princess and the Frog,” Logan said. 

“Oh  _ did _ I!” Roman said, loud as ever. “I almost proposed to him on the spot. Can sides get married?”

“Hell if I know,” Logan said. He took an obnoxious sip of his drink. 

“Bitch what!” Roman said. He threw his arms in the air. “You’re supposed to know everything, you logical god!” 

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Fine. Marriage is utterly impossible between the sides because it requires an ordained priest, of which none of us are.” 

“Fuck you, I can get married if I want to,” Roman said, leaning back against the couch. 

“Case and point,” Logan said. 

“Also, why can’t you become ordained?” Roman said. 

“You need a street address and I, Logan Sanders, have no address,” Logan said. He frowned. “Unfortunately.” 

“I  _ knew _ you’d already tried,” Roman said. He laughed. “Let’s get Thomas ordained. Stick that in his brain during dreamland.” 

“This isn’t Inception,” Logan said. 

“Did you just make a movie reference?” Roman said. He sat forward, absolute delight shining in his voice. 

“Of course not,” Logan said. 

“Don’t lie,” Roman said. “That’s just inviting trouble.” 

“Deceit’s name is not  _ trouble _ ,” Logan said, distaste clear in his voice. “Besides, that’s all besides the point. You’re not going to jump straight to marriage because you’re a romantic and want to milk all relationships from every milestone.” 

“All my relationships?” Roman made a few disbelieving noises. “You make it sound like I’ve  _ had _ one!” 

“Technically, you’re the hub of Thomas’s romantic feelings and therefore feel romantically attracted to his partners.” 

“Well, kinda,” Roman said. He swished his mug, watching the liquid within swirl around. “Patton shares it because he’s like, all emotion.” 

Logan thought for one, two, three moments. “How absolutely disgusting.” 

“I  _ know _ , we’ve ranted so many times about how wonderful his ex’s were when they were dating,” Roman groaned. 

“It’s like sugar squared,” Logan said. He shivered. “Gross.” 

“Don’t  _ gross _ me, you’re the one who literally wrote a pros and cons list to dating Virgil and your cons were  _ he would know me  _ and three question marks,” Roman said. “ _ That’s _ gross.” 

“That’s practical,” Logan said, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. 

“You’re -- practical -- wait,” Roman laughed. “Wait, let me try again.” 

“Too late, no takesie backsies -- that is how the phrase goes, yes?” 

“Don’t be cute with me.” 

“Impossible. I’m never cute.” 

“Virgil would beg to differ--”

“How would you know what Virgil thinks? Also, this conversation seems to be targeting me a little too much. How about the time Patton slipped and you caught him? You’ve never looked redder.” 

“Stoooop,” Roman whined. “He looked so happy, okay! Also I caught him, that’s like, ultimate prince behavior.” 

“Is it prince behavior to stutter and leave the situation ten seconds later?” Logan hummed. 

“Do not come at me like that, oh my god,” Roman said. “This is a very targeted conversation, I thought we were talking tea.” 

“Alright,” Logan said. He settled in. “Where were we?” 

“Well, I was thinking about--” Roman continued talking, his voice soft and pliant. Logan interjected every so often with his own comments, the two of them catching up on all the actions of Virgil or Patton, with splashes of Deceit and Remus interspersed in. 

Ten feet away, sitting on the stairs, blocked by the wall, sat Patton and Virgil. 

They clung to one another's hands, eyes wide and faces darker than Roman’s sash. 


End file.
